DAY FIVE

Shoot me.

WHO KNEW?

Who knew that after 6 months of amazing sex, almost daily, that the one thing that would break my libido would be jury duty?

Look, I don't want to sound like a whiner, but I am not used to waking up and immediately corraling my kids like cattle to get out the door by 7:45 a.m. I am not used to having everyone dressed, fed, bathed and backpacked-packed in order to run out the door, running from the car to the house 5 times to get all the things we forgot.

I am not used to dropping my kids off at "the babysitter" -- who is really just a friend to whom I will owe many hours of babysitting now, because I am losing money hand over fist without the ability to work during the days and cannot afford to pay said friend -- while my 3 year old screams "mommmyyyyy -- don't LEAVE me!!!!!!!"

I am not used to driving away while my older two stand in line for the bus in front of my friend's house, backpacks dwarfing them on the sidewalk.

I am not used to finding parking, paying for parking, trudging from the parking garage to the courthouse.

I am not used to spending my days in a padded room with 13 strangers, some of whom have big mouths and loud voices and strong (unfounded) opinions.

I am not used to hating defense lawyers with such passion.

And i am not used to coming home exhausted and angry, unable to really enjoy my life. I am not used to -- nor will I ever get used to -- the lack of passion, the anxiety dreams, the feeling of doom when I wake up in the morning and realize that my life is not my own for the day.

Please send my bloggy prayers that today will be my last day of jury duty.

FUCKING FUCK

I am officially over being a juror.

And by over, I do not mean to insinuate the the trial has ended, because in fact we are entering our fourth day in the courtroom tomorrow. I simply mean I'm fucking OVER it.

I AM THE ANTI-CHRIST, AFTER ALL

Apparently Bill Maher and I have lots in common.
Two thumbs up for Religulous.

FANTASY PLAY: The babysitter

It was merely a coincidence that I had my hair pulled into two long braids.

So when he asked me to share my fantasy with him, it was, again, a coincidence that I selected the one I did.

The babysitter and the dad.

Now, I spent a great part of my adolesence babysitting, and I was hit on subtly many times. I spent one night babysitting during the dinner party of a partocular family, and at once point the dad asked me if I would go read bedtime books to the 4 year old daughter. I took her upstairs after a party-farewell worthy of the Von Trapp family, and we grabbed some stories and began to read. It was only a few minutes before the dad appeared at the door, and made his way over to the edge of the bed. He sat next to me and gazed at me with an expression on his face I was too young to read, though I know it well by now.

At that time, I was 14 years old and a relatively naive 14 at that. I felt no stirrings of lust or desire; only panic and disgust.

But last night, last night was a different story.

I went out on a limb and shared my fantasy -- one of my more twisted and socially unacceptable fantasies, mind you -- with my Zeus and he took that ball and ran with it until we had created the scenario.

Me, the innocent babysitter -- shy, inexperienced, terrified of getting caught. Him, the horny and opportunistic dad -- whose wife doesn't fuck him anymore, hungry for some sweet young pussy and willing to cover the babysitter's mouth as he fingers her on the bed and then gives her a good fucking, shhh-ing her so his wife doesn't hear.

Holy fuck. If this is how Zeus plans to respond to my fantasies, I better start sharing them. I didn't know he had it in him.

ABOUT LAST NIGHT & FRIDAY FILL-IN

Me: Slipping my towel off, bedside

Him: Pulling me under the covers

Me: Straddling my lover, rubbing softly, kissing softly, touching softly

Him: Trained on my eyes

Me: Clear mind. Letting the love channel straight out of my soul. Into his.

Him: Feeling it.

*************************************

1. The last band I saw live was If I tell you I;d have to kill you -- it will reveal my true identity.

2. What I look forward to most on Thanksgiving is being with both of my sisters and their husbands at the same time. And watching Zeus work his way around the kitchen.

3. My Christmas/holiday shopping is almost non-existent. I make all of my own gifts, always have.

4. Thoughts of _____________ fill my head. love and sex, sometimes one or the other, mostly both

5. I wish I could wear a size 8.

6. Bagpipes make me cry. They are intense.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging with girlfriends, tomorrow my plans include celebrating my birthday and Sunday, I want to cancel my daughter's Daisy meeting and lounge on the couch all day with Zeus while he watches football.

DOING MY DUTY

Come on. Did you come read this post because you thought I was going to talk about sex as a wifely duty? Obviously you haven't been reading for very long.

Nope. I am talking about jury duty. I was called to appear in court this morning and miracle of all miracles, I was selected to sit on a 14-person jury of my peers in a trial that starts Monday morning.

I am not allowed to discuss the case but I will say this: boring.

And I was surprised and dismayed to find the jury pool room, and the jury deliberation room Wi-Fi-lacking. Gah, of course! Stupid me.

Just an update, for no other reason than I am sitting down to do the work I was figuring I would do after I was dismissed from court mid-morning. Life had other plans, and I have stories to write.

And now, my fingers are warmed up and I am off and running.